I am officially a genius. I’ve done it. I have the solution to all of our problems. Why didn’t I think of this earlier? The economy sucks. We’re in a recession. Jobs are being lost. People are just down right stressed, flustered, annoyed, crusty, dry… heck, people are just a myriad of negative emotions and feelings right now. Well, here is the way to fix it.
That’s right, you’ve not guessed it. A bedazzler.
This infamous, yet often forgotten product first appeared in the 1970′s allowing young girls and girly men to add rhinestones and sparkles to their clothing, jewelry, and miscellaneous accessories. However, the use of the bedazzler dwindled in the late 90′s and early 2000′s–kids today don’t even know what it is.
Sales of the bedazzler went down? The economy went down. We went into a recession. Correlation? I think not.
Here are THREE reasons why the bedazzler would improve our economy:
- Sparkle documents. Yes, the bedazzler could even be used on tax forms and Senate legislation. Who wouldn’t smile at a rhinestone star over top of your 1099′s? I would.
- Karl Rove. Sure, he’s out of the picture. But he’s on twitter. And if you’re on twitter you still hold some power. Well, Karl Rove is like that sleeper cell waiting to reappear at any moment. Give Rovey a glue gun and some dazzles, that man could do some damage, awesome damage, that is.
- Job creation. No, I’m not Sarah Palin. But I know how to create jobs, and I can see Russia from my house [onGoogleEarth]. Anyway, since the bedazzler went down hill, production went down. It’s all about supply and demand. Demand goes up? People need to get BACK TO WORK making those bedazzle machines. That’s going to create at least 100 jobs. At least.
Oh, and a tentative benefit to bringing back the bedazzler would be an increase in rentals of the movie BEDAZZLED starring Brenden Frasier and Elizabeth Hurley. Anything helps, really.
So, I’m going to go call Barack and let him know my plan. I know Sasha and Malia will have my back. Bo, the dog, probably won’t, because glue scares him.
All for now.
**After I wrote this post I was directed to this FABULOUS video by @filthyrichmond (on Twitter). I present to you: Leslie & the Ly’s “BEAT DAZZLER.” (It seems to me that the more they dance the more faith American’s have in their country. Well done, Leslie. Leslie is also featured in the picture above).