I'm out.

October 22, 2009·

I’ve been hiding this from the world. Not many know this about me. For a long time, my parents didn’t even know. Well, my mom didn’t know, but my dad, deep down, he knew. My sister knew, because I’m close with her. My best friends knew, because they confronted me when I wasn’t cheering for their team. The more I’ve thought about it, the more it has eaten me up inside. And it’s time that I told EVERYONE.

I ALWAYS banked on Bernie.
I ALWAYS banked on Bernie.

That’s right, people. I’m… a CLEVELAND BROWNS FAN. Phew! I feel so much better now. Man, does it feel GOOD to get that off my chest! I’ve been afraid for a very long time to admit to the entire WORLD that I’m a Browns fan. Those closest to me always knew that I LOVE me some Bernie Kosar. (By the way, we need him back. I don’t care if he is like 50 something now. He was the best thing to ever happen. to us. ever.). I love me some Brown and Orange. I love me some Dog Pound. I hate me some Ravens.

You know, people have asked me, “Molly, when did you know?” And I say, “I’ve always known.” I’ve been a Browns fan since the day I was born. It’s not in my control. There have been Sundays, Mondays, and Thursdays, where I have sat home crying by myself wishing I loved another team. But I don’t, I can’t. No matter how much I beg God to change me, he won’t. I love a horrible football team. It’s in my blood.

We weren’t always horrible. In fact, before the damn Super Bowl existed, we were good. REALLY good. How good? This is how good:

We were DIVISION Champions:

  • AAFC Western Division: 1946, 1947, 1948, 1949
  • NFL Century Division: 1967, 1968, 1969

(and when we had the BERNIE, we were good!):

  • AFC Central Division Champs: 1971, 1980, 1985, 1986, 1987, 1989

We were even CONFERENCE Champions:

  • NFL Eastern Conference: 1953, 1954, 1955, 1957, 1964, 1965, 1968, 1969
  • NFL American Conference: 1950, 1951, 1952

And then, there were the NFL Championships (this was the equivalent of the Super Bowl before the Super Bowl existed):

  • AAFC Champions: 1946, 1947, 1948, 1949
  • NFL Champions: 1950, 1954, 1955, 1964

We’ve, of course, been to the playoffs. But that’s neither here, nor there.

You know, there was even a time when I couldn’t love any team. I call those the DARK AGES. From 1996-1999 when the evil, EVIL, Art Moddell SOLD my beloved Browns to Baltimore to make an even more evil thing, THE BALTIMORE RAVENS. This is why I hate the Ravens, Edgar Allen Poe’s The Raven, seafood, piers, and Baltimore at large. They stole my team. My players. And then they even won the Super Bowl with them. Have the Browns won a Super Bowl? No.

I don’t want to talk about that.

[*SIDE NOTE: By the way, I put up with the Ravens now because a good friend and sorority sister of mine from college is now a Ravenette. Yes, I know an actual Ravenette. So I deal. ;)]

But now, we’re back. We (the BROWNS) came back in 1999. And we came back not strong. In the 10 years we’ve been back, we’ve had 6 coaches, like 18 offensive coordinators, and a gazillion quarterbacks. We’ve been to the playoffs ONCE since we’ve been back, and that was a lucky shot. I think the Steelers had jaundice that day or something – so that was like beating a kitten in a poker game.

And that leaves me to where I am today. Loving a team that nobody loves. Well, my dad loves them, and this random guy I knew in college loves them. But it’s hard. It’s like being married to a crack addict. You know that they need to get off the crack, and it tears you up inside, but you can’t leave them. … Man, that is a horrible analogy.

You know what I mean. We are heading into Week 7 and the Browns are 1-5. Great.

But I don’t care. I’m going to sport my vintage KOSAR jersey and be proud of who I am and who I love.

Nothing can stop me.

Not even you, Chris Cooley. You sexy Redskin.

All for now.