This video has already had 2+ million views on YouTube, so if you’ve seen it already, then you know what I’m talking about.

Well, I saw it for the first time the other day and it was one of those videos that I watched like four times because it hit me so hard.

It’s something I’ve felt a bit convicted about in the last few weeks. Months, even. Okay, years.

There are times when I feel like the Lord is speaking right in to my heart saying: “Look at all that I’ve gifted you with, Molly. And you’re not using it. What’s holding you back? Look at the desires of your heart, Molly. I put those desires there, but you’re not pursuing those desires, Molly. What’s holding you back? Look at that vision in your mind’s eye, Molly. I put that vision there, but you’re not trying to make that vision a reality. What’s holding you back?”

Those are the times where I just want to scream and yell and kick and go, “I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW!” <—That’s me throwing a temper tantrum.

And I know deep inside of me what’s holding me back from my goals. What’s holding me back from my vision. What’s holding me back from ________ – it’s fear. It’s doubt. It’s apprehension. It’s the enemy telling me I’m not good enough or I’m not ______ enough.

But then I look down at our precious baby. At my precious baby. And I think about her life and all that I want her to accomplish and all I want her to be and all I want her to dream and all I want her to do.

I think about how much I love Lilly. And that there’s nothing she could POSSIBLY do that would make me stop loving her. And I think about how all I ever want is to see her happy and thriving and being all that God wants her to be. Her smile is one of those things that instantly turns my day around. I don’t want her to waste her life in fear. I don’t want her to waste the precious moments and days she has living in accordance with what the enemy is telling her.

I want the world for her.

And then it hit me.

That’s how God feels about me. He sees me in the same way I see Lilly. In fact, even more so. His only desire for me is for me to be joyful and happy and pursuing the things He wants me to pursue and fulfilling the dream He wants me to fulfill.

The last thing He wants is to watch me waste my life in fear. He doesn’t want to watch me sit there and listen to the things the enemy tells me day in and day out – and He doesn’t want those things to control me.

We have no idea how much time on this earth we have. This is our one and only life. This is my one and only life.

Do I want to spend it wasting time in fear? Worrying?

No.

I want to spend it living.

I want to spend this life enjoying all that God has for me. All that the Lord has gifted me with and placed in my life.

I want to spend it doing something I love and something that fulfills me and pushes me and challenges me.

I want to spend it with my family and my friends.

I want to spend it speaking in to others.

I want to spend it serving and bringing a smile to the face of those around me.

We’re in this series on the book of Philippians at church right now, and this verse keeps replaying in my head over and over and over again:

¹² Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.          -Philippians 3:12-14

And even if you’re not a believer or you have no idea who Jesus is or haven’t stepped foot in a church in years – you can relate to the desire to press on. You can relate to the desire to forget what is behind you, forget your past, forget your mistakes, and work towards a goal. You CAN relate to that.

And, so that’s what I’m doing right now. I’m in a state of pressing on. I’m in a state of forgetting the fear, and regret, and apprehension that is behind me and straining toward what is ahead.

I want to use those beans (see video at beginning of post if you have no idea what I’m talking about) wisely. I want to use every. single. ounce of those leftover beans.

Besides, Jelly Beans are delicious… who’d want to throw ’em away? 😉

What about you? What’s holding YOU back right now?

…and because I can’t have a post without a picture. Here’s a picture. No, I didn’t get extensions, it’s just an old picture taken of me when I was in Kenya.