July 16, 2019·

We just got home from our annual family trip to the beach. We had a great time just relaxing by the beach, eating good food, warm donuts, I binge read a thriller murder mystery, and did two large jigsaw puzzles. It was the exact unplugging we really needed as a family.

However, this year’s trip was a little extra special. We spread a little of Malachi Jude’s ashes at the end of the pier at our place in Oak Island. The same place where we spread a little of Elijah Timothy’s ashes last year.

Oak Island holds a special meaning to our family for a lot of reasons, but even more so when it comes to our boys that left us too soon. John and I spread Elijah’s ashes at OKI when he and I went on a solo trip together last year.

It felt right for us to bring Malachi Jude here so a little piece of him would always be here with his brother, Elijah. Especially since we lost Malachi the day after we returned from the beach last year… it felt like the perfect bookend of his short, but impactful life and story.

Grief is weird.

It’s like the waves. They come and go. They are big and sometimes they’re calm. But after the storm, there’s always calm.


I don’t know what the future holds for our family. We’ve always wanted a big family with lots of kids… we don’t know if that’s going to happen. God only knows at this point what that will look like for us.

The past year and a half of storms have been really, really hard. But right now?

I feel a lot of peace.

6-7 Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Philippians 4:6-7 (MSG)