One of my first jobs out of college was as a fellow for the Governor of Virginia. I was one of thousands of applicants and somehow got in the program. I worked really hard and produced great work, but one afternoon I was pulled into my supervisor’s office and I was told that I “laughed too loudly” and that I needed to take myself more seriously.
I felt so defeated.
My entire life I’d had people tell me that I was “too much” for them… that I laughed too loudly or [insert whatever it is] too intensely. That caused me to shrink back and become incredibly fearful that people wouldn’t like me for ME or that people wouldn’t accept me just as I am.
It also kept me from being myself or even putting myself in situations where I might risk getting rejected.
When I started following Jesus, I had regular conversations with Him asking me why He made me this way? Why did He give me the gifts He gave me, the skills He gave me, the laugh He gave me, the personality He gave me? Was any of it an accident?
Being real here… for many, many years I struggled with feeling like it was an accident.
Until I realized that He made me exactly the way I am for a reason… He created me with a heart full of joy and a boisterous laugh so that I might use it for His glory and to point others to the one who is the *creator* of Joy.
So, while I might be a more “sanctified” version of myself now… I’m still the same old Molly – loud laugh and all. A lot about me has changed over the years, but that part never will.
My encouragement to you is… if you’ve ever felt the same way, just know you are not alone. God made you exactly the way He made you for a reason, for a purpose… ON purpose, with a purpose. None of it is an accident. None of it is a surprise.