Molly: NOT a Country in Africa.

February 1, 2009·

My name is Molly. It took me almost 18 years to really embrace and love my name. I don’t know why, but for some reason I didn’t really like my name when I was growing up. I would always try to change the spelling: “Mollie” or “Molli” or I think I even once tried to spell it “Mali” – yeah, like the country. Then I went through a phase where I went by my middle name, Eileen. (I quit that phase once everyone started calling me Ellen. It’s Eileen! Pronounced: I-Lean. Which then made me stop THAT because I heard one too many one-legged female pirate jokes).

Anyway, but now that I love and fully embrace my name, I have come to the terms that I must defend my name. And the reasons I must defend it are THREE fold:

Number ONE. No, my name isn’t Holly or Polly. I don’t understand why every time I tell someone my name, they immediately call me one of two things: “Holly” or “Polly.” No. It’s MOLLY. As in M. The consonants H and M don’t even sound anything alike. And Polly? Really? How many Polly’s do you know? Be honest. (Due to this, I have subsequently learned to enunciate more).

Shes thinking about cutting back on trans fats.
She's thinking about cutting back on trans fats.

Number TWO. The only real famous** Molly’s are Molly Ringwald and The Unsinkable Molly Brown. Great. An 80’s romantic comedy star and a heavy-set woman who survived the sinking of the Titanic. Two people I definitely want to be associated with. (Don’t get me wrong, 16 Candles and The Breakfast Club were GREAT movies). Oh, and Molly Brown was never even called Molly during her life. She was known as Molly Brown AFTER she died. So, technically Molly Ringwald is all I have. 

Number THREE. Your dog is named Molly. Yes. Every time I take my adorable dog to the dog park and I meet YOUR dog, I say, “Aw! Your dog is precious. What’s her name?” and you say proudly, “MOLLY!” Fantastic. Now, for a long time I thought this was a coincidence. But no. After doing some mild research I learned that Molly is actually the second most common dog name.

When the rapture comes, can I rename your dog?
When the rapture comes, can I rename your dog?

Number THREE point FIVE: Flogging Molly. The American celtic punk band. I love my Irish heritage. I love music. But FLOGGING Molly? I don’t want the image of 39 lashes (because 40 will kill a man) prior to my name. Honestly. Super depressing. Right?

Well, regardless of these things, I stand true to my happy name. Furthermore, my given name simply challenges me to pursue my dream of fame and funny… for all the other Molly’s out there. Word.

**NOTE: Yes, I know there are more famous Mollys. i.e. Molly Shannon. Molly Sims. Molly Shea. Give me a break, I’m trying to make a point here.