I’m a LOSER!

That’s right. I said it. I’m a LOSER. A loser of WEIGHT, that is.

In getting back to my old blogging habits, I try to write about things that are on my mind, things that I’m working on, things that I’m going through at this particular moment, etc… because A) It helps me to organize my thoughts, B) If I’m struggling with something, it helps me to work through it, and C) There’s a part of me that hopes someone else who just so happens to come across this little blog can identify with whatever I’m writing about and learn something / gain something / or even add their own two cents in the comments.

My weight has always been something that I have struggled with and been self-conscious about. Do I think I’m fat? No. Do I wish I were a size 6? Yes. I’m short, I have wide hips, and those (infamous?) genetic “Buckley Buns”. I have been a size 10 since high school – again, it’s those darned hips of mine. I digress.

Over the last few years, I’ve found myself in this new era of “Molly wanting to get healthy and exercise.” I was never a runner – in fact, I was a terrible runner, sort of still am. But I set out to become a runner, and I’ve half-way accomplished that. I ran the Tar Heel 10-miler for my first race, the New Jersey Long Branch Half-Marathon, and a couple of 5Ks posting relatively okay times. I’m not ever going to be the speediest, but trust me, if I can run, so can you. I’m signed up to run the Tar Heel 10-miler again this year, but right now a bit of a knee injury is standing in my way. GAH. Again, I digress.

I started running to accomplish a goal, but mostly I hoped that running would help me shed those pounds I have so desperately wanted to lose. There was a point last year in which I was running 20-30 miles a week, yet I wasn’t losing weight. I was feeling better, but I hated what the scale said. Then I got injured and stopped running. Working at a desk all day doesn’t really allow for much exercise and frankly, I hate scales, so I stopped weighing myself. To be completely honest, I noticed I had gained weight, but didn’t think much of it.

Then I received my wake-up call. I was hanging out at my friend Laura’s house one night right after the 1st of the year. Went to the bathroom and noticed she had a scale in her bathroom – so I thought, hmm, I wonder… I got on the scale and saw a number I never in a million years would have thought I would see. [Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not going to tell you what that number was. It was that bad.]

I immediately knew that I had to get my act together.

Rejoined the YMCA the next day and re-evaluated my situation. Where had I gone wrong? What could I do to fix this? This needs to be a lifestyle change, not some fad-New-Years-Resolution.

Since then, I have been working out 6, sometimes 7 days a week, I quit drinking Diet Coke (which is HUGE for me, if you know me at all), and stopped eating after 8pm (with a few exceptions here or there). I’m not on a “diet.” I’m simply more aware of what I’m putting into my body. Since January, I have lost 16.2 pounds total. I had actually lost closer to 17/18 but I’ve hit that dreaded plateau period right now. I still have at least another 10-15 pounds to go to get to a place I’d be comfortable with, but I’d really like to lose another 15-20.

I have a couple things to thank for my progress so far. One, my BF 🙂. He’s such a workout fiend that it’s been nice to have him to motivate me to go to the gym. On days he doesn’t want to go to the gym, I do, so I make him. On days I don’t want to go to the gym, he does, so he makes me. We don’t really workout together, but to have someone else there to keep you honest really helps. I can’t emphasize that enough.

I haven’t stopped eating things I love, I’ve just learned that it’s all about balance and moderation. Plus, I get a free pass with fruits and veggies – those calories don’t count. I mean, who ever got fat from eating too many tomatoes or too many celery sticks? NO ONE. Anywho, If I go over my calorie intake one day, then I make sure I’m under the next. (It also factors in your exercise as negative calories).

I know, I’ve entered my own nerdy weight loss world, but it’s okay. This is the exact type of thing someone like myself needs. OH, and you can even set up motivators to remind yourself throughout the day to log your food.

Anyway, I share all of this extremely personal stuff because I know that this isn’t something only I struggle with. I’m really not in this for the temporary, drop 10 pounds gain back 30 deal… I really want to finally achieve that goal I have so longed for. I’ve accepted that I’m never going to be a size 6 and look like Heidi Klum, but I know that I can feel better about the way that I look.

I will be blogging periodically about my progress – mainly for the purposes of keeping myself honest. But will you guys help to keep me honest? I do have to say, seeing that line go down makes me very happy…

Also, if any of you out there have gone through / are going through / thinking about going through something similar, I’d love some advice. I’d love to hear your struggles, challenges, and triumphs. Share your stories. Share your tips.

Love you guys.

All for now.