I half jokingly mentioned that I should write this post yesterday and I got an overwhelming response of, “Yes! Write the post!” So, today, I am writing this post from the perspective of a woman who is currently 41+ weeks pregnant.

I thought it would be fun to what NOT to say to a pregnant woman but I also thought it would be fun to include the things TO say to a woman who is late / overdue / past-her-due-date. So, you will find those phrases in this post as well.

Now, if you are reading this and you have said any of the following things to me that fall under the “Things NOT to Say” category, DO NOT feel bad. I forgive you. It’s okay. I still love you! Lots! You didn’t know.

You can blame my crankiness on hormones, blood pressure, the economy or lack of sleep or something.

Just call me a curmudgeon. It’s totally fine. Wait, don’t do that. That wouldn’t be nice.

But in all seriousness, it’s really okay. This is all meant in good fun. But I’m also 100% serious and if you say any of the following things NOT to say to me I may lose my mind.

Without further ado…

What NOT to Say to a Pregnant Woman

*My general thoughts and comments to each statement are in italics.

“Baby will come when baby is ready.” // Really? I had no idea.

“Are you sure your due date was right?” // Yes, I’m sure. Trust me. I know when my last period was and I know when my last period wasn’t.

“Well, you know due dates are really quite arbitrary, right?” // Yep, doesn’t make the fact that I’m “past” it any easier.

“Have you tried [INSERT ONE OF THE FOLLOWING BELOW HERE]?”

• Walking
• Evening Primrose Oil (EPO)
• Red Raspberry Leaf Tea (RRL)
• Eating spicy food
• Eating pineapple
• Yoga
• Sitting on an exercise ball
• Pelvic tilts
• Sex
• Castor oil
• Chiropractic
• Jumping jacks

// Yes, trust me. I have tried ALL of the things. Name it. I’ve tried it. And then some.

“Wow, you’ve probably got a HUGE baby in there!” // Are you saying I’m fat? Are you calling my kid fat? Either way, this one is a lose / lose for you.

“Oh, you just look so uncomfortable.” // Thank you, Captain Obvious.

“Wow! You look HUGE!” // Are you saying I’m fat? Are you calling my kid fat? Either way, this one is a lose / lose for you.

“You know, I had my first baby at [INSERT ANY NUMBER BEFORE 40 WEEKS], so unfortunately I just can’t relate. But I’m sure you’ll be fine.” // Great. That’s just great for you.

“You know, I had my first baby at [INSERT ANY NUMBER AFTER 40 WEEKS], so I totally know how you feel. I ended up having to be induced and had a horrible labor – it was like 36+ hours and really painful, [INSERT GRAPHIC DETAIL HERE] and, etc. etc. etc. But I’m sure you’ll be fine.” // Fantastic. Now I’m going to have nightmares.

“Have you had the baby yet?” // Clearly I’m standing here still pregnant. So, yep!

“You haven’t had the baby yet??!” // Clearly I’m standing here still pregnant. So, nope!

“When’s that baby coming?” // Good question.

“Why haven’t you had the baby yet?” // Good question. Because it hasn’t decided to be borned yet.

“Well, do you know when the baby is coming?” // No, unfortunately I don’t. You see, I was given this “arbitrary” date that the baby was supposed to come by, but it hasn’t come yet. So, nope.

“You know, most women who are this late end up just having to be induced.” // Fantastic. How encouraging.

“You know, most women who are this late end up having a c-section.” // Fantastic. How encouraging.

“You know, a lot of women who end up being induced end up having a c-section.” // Fantastic. How encouraging.

“Should you be eating that this late in pregnancy?” // *mouth full of cheese fries* Yep.

“Should you be doing that this late in pregnancy?” // *whilst doing 100 jumping jacks* You mean because this might induce labor? Yep.

“Aren’t you afraid labor is going to hurt?” // Well, now I am.

“Aren’t you afraid the baby is going to be too big to deliver?” // Well, now I am.

Things TO Say to a Late / Overdue / Past-Her-Due-Date Pregnant Woman

“You look great / awesome / fantastic / beautiful! Here’s a cupcake!”

“You’re doing a great job, mama. You deserve a cupcake!”

“Can I take you to lunch? Can I buy you a cupcake?”

“Wanna go get a mani/pedi? I hear that new nail salon is next to a cupcake shop.”

“Wanna go see a movie? We can sneak in some caffeine free Diet Coke and cupcakes.”

“Oh my gosh, did you watch The Bachelorette finale? You didn’t? Oh, let’s watch it together! I’ll bring the cupcakes.”

“Let’s go to the mall, get a pretzel, and walk around. Oh, and I also have cupcakes.”

“Would you like a caffeine free Diet Coke and a cupcake?”

“I’m so sorry baby hasn’t come yet, I know that’s gotta be hard just waiting at this point. Let’s go eat a cupcake.”

“Whatever happens, you are going to be an awesome mama. I made you some cupcakes.”

“Clearly you’ve made a good home for that kid. Now, let’s give her / him an eviction notice, shall we? Also, here’s a cupcake.”

“God loves you. God has a plan for you. God loves this baby. God has a plan for this baby. God has already written the perfect birth story. And God wants you to have another cupcake.”

+++

That’s all I can really think of right now. Any ladies who have been in my shoes wanna add to the list? I’d love to hear yours!

**Remember this is all in good fun. But seriously. Stop saying those things to me. 🙂