‘A Wife First’ | Being Still

May 10, 2014·

10 A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

-Proverbs 31: 10-31

The other day something popped in my Facebook newsfeed that read, “Are you a better wife or a better mother?” and I stopped to think about that long and hard for quite some time.

Often times (and probably most of the time) the answer is better wife, but more often than I’d like, it’s better mother.

It sounds horrible to say this, but I hope I am never a better mother than I am a better wife.


Because I was a wife first.

Growing up my parents used to straight up gross me out with their PDA and lovey-dovey-ness. I knew way more than I wanted to about my parent’s love life because they had no qualms about winking at each other at the breakfast table or my dad coming up behind my mom and pinching her butt and telling her how beautiful she was. I just remember thinking, “Ewwwwww gross! Come on mom and dad! Yuck!”

But now that I’m older and married and have a daughter of my own, I am so thankful and so grateful that I grew up in a home where I had absolutely no doubt in my mind that my parents were head over heels, madly, deeply in love with each other. I think I saw my parents fight MAYBE twice… and it was probably over something stupid my dad said to make my mom mad. 🙂

But in all honesty, I grew up in a home where there was no shortage of love, but I also knew that my parents put each other first. My sister and I came second, and I was totally okay with that.

Since Mother’s Day is tomorrow, I just think about all the sacrifices WE’VE (as in John and I) made since becoming parents. Being a mom is such an awesomely hard job and there are days when I am just worn out and I have absolutely nothing left in me. All I want to do is sleep. All I want to do is take a bath… alone. All I want to do is sit in a dark room in silence. All I want to do is NOT have a baby or a breast pump attached to my boob. I just want to… be.

But those times just aren’t readily available… because there are other things to do. There’s work (and lots of it), there’s chores, there’s food to be made, there’s rooms to be cleaned, there’s laundry to be folded… and oh wait, there’s a man that I’m married to that needs my love and attention.

I so often feel pulled in 25,014 different directions and I feel like I can’t do it all.

I love my daughter more than words will ever be able to accurately express. I love her so much it is physically painful at times. I look at her and my chest explodes because my heart is so filled.

But, I love her daddy more. I’ll be honest… it’s not always easy to say that.

Of COURSE I love John. SO much. More than words can say. John and I have a great marriage. It’s certainly not perfect, but we communicate well and I think that has alleviated most of the potential conflicts that could arise. We just don’t really fight. We might disagree on something… but we talk about it and we learn from it and then we move on.

BUT, there are days when being a mom has drained me and I feel like I have absolutely NOTHING left to give… and then my husband comes home and I know I need to be a wife to him. Talk with him, spend time with him… you know ;-)… but it can be hard.

But the BEST thing that John and I can do for OUR daughter… is love each other more and more and more each and every day. We HAVE to make our marriage a priority. I want Lilly to grow up in a home where she has no doubt in her mind that her parents are head over heels, madly in love with each other.

God designed it that way… it was always God’s intention for us to be better wives than mothers. That might not be the popular perspective or the popular “stance” – but it’s true.

We have to work at it every single day, but each and every day John and I wake up and we work to out-love the other person.

By taking time for each other and taking time for ourselves and putting effort into communicating, reading the Bible, laughing together, spending time together – we are ultimately showing Lilly how much we love her.

Lilly will learn from us the value of love, honor, respect, honesty, communication, affection… she will know exactly how a husband should treat a wife and how a wife should treat a husband. She’ll learn the value of healthy relationships and friendships.

The best thing that I can do for my daughter is love her daddy more. The best thing that John can do for Lilly is love me more.

It’s not always easy, but it is the MOST important thing for our family.

I work every single day to make sure I’m a better wife than I am a mother.