Loving My Wonderful, Beautiful, Amazing Mess of a Life
Eyelet Peplum Top: Gap (similar) | Beale Maxi Skirt in Sea and Be Seen: Lilly Pulitzer | Camera / Laptop / Diaper Bag: Kelly Moore A Beautiful Mess Bag | Necklace: Target (similar)
I realize that reading blogs can often be deceiving. Most bloggers (I don’t say all, because I don’t want to over generalize), but MOST bloggers tend to only hit “publish” on the pretty parts of our lives. We share the good, the pretty, and the prettiest. We share the successes, we share the polished finishes, and we share the highlights. We tend to shy away from sharing the struggles, the ugly, the awkward, and the downright embarrassing.
And for the most part, I think that’s okay. In my opinion, it’s all about balance. More of one thing and not enough of the other can often lead to readers (and the blogger, too!) feeling totally disenfranchised or even delusional. I never want to be the kind of person that blurs my reality, if that makes any sense.
While I totally am the kind of person that generally sees the glass half full and whathaveyou, there are certainly days where I’m just downright sad, frustrated, and feeling totally empty. One of the things that I’ve loved so much about having this blog as an outlet for me over the past eight years is that I’ve been able to word-vomit the heck out of whatever I’m going through at a particular time and moment.
I constantly get questions and comments from people saying things like, “You just look like you have it all together! How do you do it?” “How do you manage to look so put together all the time?” And my immediate reaction is usually one of joke-cracking and self-deprication. That’s my go-to. But it’s gotten me thinking about where I am currently, how I’m taking care of myself or if I’m even being true and honest with myself.
The fact of the matter is: I am truly, madly, and oh-so-seriously so happy right now. I love my life, I really do. It’s taken me a LONG, LONG time to get here, but I’m in a great place right now. I can’t fully pinpoint what has brought me to this place in life, but I really believe it has to do with where I am in my spiritual journey. If you’re not a Christian or not a believer PLEASE don’t immediately click out of this screen when I say that… that is NOT my intention to alienate you in any way or make you feel like I’m setting myself apart, because I promise you, that is not the case at. all.
The fact of the matter is it has been just about four years since I really surrendered my life over to Christ and when I think about my life before and I think about my life after – it’s pretty much night and day. Before, I kept trying to do things my own way on my own time with my own agenda. And that is a really terrible, miserable way to live.
Once I said, “Okay, FINE God, I’ll try things you’re way for a minute… BUT JUST FOR A MINUTE…” it’s amazing how quickly I was blown away.
My life is nowhere near perfect. Not even close. I often go days without showering, my sleep is erratic, I’m unhappy with my physical health, I’m out of shape, and I constantly feel like I don’t measure up to X, Y, or Z. But the truth is, I’m oddly okay with it. I know it won’t be like this forever and I’m actively working to make improvements in the areas of my life that I’m not satisfied… but deep down inside, I feel so peaceful and confident in my relationship with Jesus and my relationship with my husband that all worry, fear, and anxiety about the “next steps” just seems to disappear.
All this to say that you don’t have to be ashamed of your mess either. We’re all a mess, truthfully. And if someone says they’re not a mess, that probably means they are an even bigger mess than you. So that’ll make you feel better. Right? Right. …Okay, probably not. You get the point though.
Also, I am fully aware that all of this post has pretty much NOTHING to do with the outfit. So, I’ll quickly address it… this is me holding on to the LAST LITTLE BIT of warmth and summer (even though it IS officially fall). Oh, and a few months ago I finally splurged and got myself a Kelly Moore camera bag and I decided on the A Beautiful Mess bag because it’s a camera bag + diaper bag (it came with a changing pad!!) + laptop bag all-in-one. It literally fits ALL THE THINGS. Plus, the kelly green color is kinda my fave.
SO there you have it. A big ol’ pile of word vomit about my current state of emotional affairs.
How do you like ‘dem apples?
Now, spill your guts to me. Tell me something that’s on your mind. It can be totally random. I don’t even ‘curr what it is.
I am loving your blog more everyday! Like you said you can’t always share the good. I will be totally honest in the fact that I am so happy i had my daughter it is everything I wanted in life to be a stay at home mom. But being the first of my friends to have a baby has been hard it has only been 4 months and I feel like I am alone sometimes. they are always asking be are you bring tatum. And I always answer of course where else would my baby be. I just don’t think they understand sometimes. Well sorry for the rant, I feel better now! Like you I have started to really give myself to the lord and hope that he will help me find my way.
Nicole
http://www.nicole-kelly.com
you are awesome, nicole!!! i know exactly how you feel!!!
I love posts like this. It’s nice to read about the real. My life has been a mess this entire year and I’ve kind of given up that it’ll get better. Just trying to stay positive towards 2015 because 2014 has been a disaster. After my daughter was born 3 years ago I’ve been plagued by chronic pain and fatigue. For the past 3 years I’ve not gone a day without physical pain and fatigue. It’s horrible. Sometimes people tell me I look better (which is code for “you’ve looked like a hot mess until today”) but I know I don’t feel better. I think I’ve just begun to accept that this is my new life. I’ve been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and fibromyalgia but I always get the same response: “there’s nothing we can do. You just have to deal with it.” It sucks. I’ve missed so much work and have become THAT unreliable employee. Then 2 months ago my husband was diagnosed with a chronic health issue that force him to miss almost 2 months of work. The little savings I felt so accomplished about is now gone. And when he was sick I had to miss work because he couldn’t walk much less drive. So I was taking him to all his appointments. So I used up all my personal time and now I have nothing so not even a much needed vacation is in my foreseeable future. Ugh. Like I said 2014 has been horrible and I feel so so down. I don’t see any of it getting better. Ha…how’s that for word vomit? Lol!
oh man! thank you for sharing your heart, Elisse!! praying for you!!!!
Thanks! And, oops, I forgot to mention that I LOVE the bag. That teal-ish green is absolutely phenomenal. You look fabulous 🙂
Thank you for keeping it real! I worry about the next steps ALL THE TIME!
I’m heading back to work after maternity leave in 2 weeks. I have had numerous crying breakdowns over this including almost in the grocery store! I don’t think I could be a stay at home mom but I feel so sad going back to work ;-(
Woah this totally spoke to me today!! Can’t even put into words how many of the things you said were totally in line with my thoughts the last few weeks! Although I’m having a tough time surrendering. Little by little…
What a wonderful and “real” post. It becomes so much easier to be happy when you know there is something higher to focus on than the day to day drama. Thanks for sharing! Love the outfit too 🙂
I love this! I struggle with the being happy with my life/being real when things are hard balance of blogging. Thanks for being so honest <3 Also, I LOVE that nail polish :]
I love posts like this, not only because they make bloggers seem more real and approachable, but because they are proof that when you surrender your life everything seems to change, I haven’t been able to take a full leap of faith and struggle with it everyday, but I really wish I was able to fully trust.
Natalia
http://leavingthecorneranddippingmytoes.blogspot.com/
You, lady, are awesome! I hear you loud and clear. People ask me all the time “how I do it all.” And I always tell them “Lots of coffee and lots of Jesus. And I don’t do it all, haha!” Wish I could see you tomorrow at Progeny!
LOVE that. Lots of coffee and Jesus.
I love this post! I would completely agree that it wasn’t until I started making church and Christ a bigger part of my life that I felt more whole and put together. Granted there are good, bad, and flat out ugly days still, but knowing the greater purpose, and having so much to be joyful for, makes it so much easier!
Paige
http://thehappyflammily.com
Love. <3 <3 <3
I love how honest you are. It’s really refreshing. Right now what’s on my mind is whether or not I’m being a good mommy to my newborn. I’m such a type a know exactly what to do kind of person that becoming a mom has thrown me for a loop. I love my son but it’s still exhausting!
Thank you so much, Nilda!! You are doing an AWESOME JOB.
I totally love you! Love your heart and thank you so much for sharing. The world needs more people like you!!
I LOVE YOU.
And I love all these fun bright colors!! Way to welcome fall in!!
Jenna from Visions of Vogue
Thanks, Jenna!