I realize that reading blogs can often be deceiving. Most bloggers (I don’t say all, because I don’t want to over generalize), but MOST bloggers tend to only hit “publish” on the pretty parts of our lives. We share the good, the pretty, and the prettiest. We share the successes, we share the polished finishes, and we share the highlights. We tend to shy away from sharing the struggles, the ugly, the awkward, and the downright embarrassing.
And for the most part, I think that’s okay. In my opinion, it’s all about balance. More of one thing and not enough of the other can often lead to readers (and the blogger, too!) feeling totally disenfranchised or even delusional. I never want to be the kind of person that blurs my reality, if that makes any sense.
While I totally am the kind of person that generally sees the glass half full and whathaveyou, there are certainly days where I’m just downright sad, frustrated, and feeling totally empty. One of the things that I’ve loved so much about having this blog as an outlet for me over the past eight years is that I’ve been able to word-vomit the heck out of whatever I’m going through at a particular time and moment.
I constantly get questions and comments from people saying things like, “You just look like you have it all together! How do you do it?” “How do you manage to look so put together all the time?” And my immediate reaction is usually one of joke-cracking and self-deprication. That’s my go-to. But it’s gotten me thinking about where I am currently, how I’m taking care of myself or if I’m even being true and honest with myself.
The fact of the matter is: I am truly, madly, and oh-so-seriously so happy right now. I love my life, I really do. It’s taken me a LONG, LONG time to get here, but I’m in a great place right now. I can’t fully pinpoint what has brought me to this place in life, but I really believe it has to do with where I am in my spiritual journey. If you’re not a Christian or not a believer PLEASE don’t immediately click out of this screen when I say that… that is NOT my intention to alienate you in any way or make you feel like I’m setting myself apart, because I promise you, that is not the case at. all.
The fact of the matter is it has been just about four years since I really surrendered my life over to Christ and when I think about my life before and I think about my life after – it’s pretty much night and day. Before, I kept trying to do things my own way on my own time with my own agenda. And that is a really terrible, miserable way to live.
Once I said, “Okay, FINE God, I’ll try things you’re way for a minute… BUT JUST FOR A MINUTE…” it’s amazing how quickly I was blown away.
My life is nowhere near perfect. Not even close. I often go days without showering, my sleep is erratic, I’m unhappy with my physical health, I’m out of shape, and I constantly feel like I don’t measure up to X, Y, or Z. But the truth is, I’m oddly okay with it. I know it won’t be like this forever and I’m actively working to make improvements in the areas of my life that I’m not satisfied… but deep down inside, I feel so peaceful and confident in my relationship with Jesus and my relationship with my husband that all worry, fear, and anxiety about the “next steps” just seems to disappear.
All this to say that you don’t have to be ashamed of your mess either. We’re all a mess, truthfully. And if someone says they’re not a mess, that probably means they are an even bigger mess than you. So that’ll make you feel better. Right? Right. …Okay, probably not. You get the point though.
Also, I am fully aware that all of this post has pretty much NOTHING to do with the outfit. So, I’ll quickly address it… this is me holding on to the LAST LITTLE BIT of warmth and summer (even though it IS officially fall). Oh, and a few months ago I finally splurged and got myself a Kelly Moore camera bag and I decided on the A Beautiful Mess bag because it’s a camera bag + diaper bag (it came with a changing pad!!) + laptop bag all-in-one. It literally fits ALL THE THINGS. Plus, the kelly green color is kinda my fave.
SO there you have it. A big ol’ pile of word vomit about my current state of emotional affairs.
How do you like ‘dem apples?
Now, spill your guts to me. Tell me something that’s on your mind. It can be totally random. I don’t even ‘curr what it is.