I have four kids. But you only see two of them.
Last year I was pregnant for 9 months, but I have no baby to show for it. Losing two babies in the second trimester, back-to-back, wrecked me… not only emotionally and mentally, but physically, too.
There’s so much about the postpartum phase after pregnancy loss that I feel like no one talks about or prepares you for.
I wasn’t prepared for the fact that my milk came in. I wasn’t prepared for the postpartum hair loss. I wasn’t prepared for the physical pain on top of the emotional pain. The months of bleeding (sorry, not sorry, TMI). I wasn’t prepared for my hormones to be literally all over the place. And let’s not forget the doctor’s appointments, testing, and thousands of dollars of medical bills.
To be quite frank, my body hasn’t been the same since.
I work out 4-6 days a week, and yet, no matter what I do, my body just doesn’t look or feel like it used to. And while I wish the stretch marks and extra pounds would disappear, I know they represent the precious lives I’ve grown and carried in my body.
Lilly and Amos here on earth, Elijah and Malachi in heaven. Each life different, but each life mattered. Each life forever etched in my body and my soul. Precious gifts from my Creator.
If you have experienced miscarriage, pregnancy loss, or stillbirth: No matter what stage of pregnancy you’ve experienced loss… I want you to know your baby mattered and I see you in your pain.